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Friday, July 22, 2011

Got the job!!

Yayyyyy! I got the job :)

Mason's 5th birthday was yesterday, so we're having a bounch house big ass party for him tomorrow. Should be crazy/fun/chaotic!! Something like 40 people at our house! I'm going to have to try and control my OCD for the day, haha.

CD13... we're getting there!! :)

I would just like to know. Even for a second. What it feels like to be pregnant. I'm really hoping this is cycle lucky #13. Month lucky # 13. THE cycle. THE month. I'm honestly exhausted. I haven't done ANYTHING I said I would do this month. :( Between getting the new job (and insurance!) and Mason's birthday party and everything, I just haven't had time to really sit down and assess things. I feel guilty that I haven't made these changes, but at the same time the question, "Why bother? It's not like it would matter if you drank more water/quit smoking/did more Yoga, so why bother?" keeps replaying in my head.

I haven't even ovulated yet this month and I'm already pessimistic about this cycle. Why would this work when TWELVE others haven't. A dozen. A dozen cycles have MISERABLY failed me. Why not make it a baker's dozen?

Everyone's pregnant. You. Her. The girl at work that's training me. Everyone. I do have a few galfriends that aren't. And I'm so ANGRY for us. When is it OUR fucking turn? When do *I* get to feel this joy? Apparently I don't deserve it. It isn't fair and I'm just exhausted with the whole thing.


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