Time.

I started blogging in August 2010, and photo blogging in October 2010. Not in a million years did I think that over a year later, we still wouldn't be pregnant. That's. Just. CRAZY to me. Nor did I think that we would be having an IVF consult. Nuts.

A little over 24 hours left til our consult! So excited.

I made some updates to the blog today. My Project 365 is up to date. I took down Britt's ticker, because she had her beautiful baby boy, Luke. I added MELISSA'S ticker, woohoo! I updated the pics of Doug, Mason and I. Lots of little changes, and I think it looks nice. :)

Never any good news, is there?

I write this post through tears. It should be a happy time. In 2 days, Doug and I will sit down with Dr. Sullivan, my reproductive endocrinologist, and discuss IVF.

In-vitro fertilization.

Simply put: remove eggs from her, remove sperm from him, eggs + sperm = petri dish, then implanted back in her, and hopefully - they stay there.

The process of pumping me full of injectable meds for weeks, requiring Doug to "pleasure himself" into a cup (for the 3rd time this journey), and then stirring up eggs retrieved from me and Doug's little swimmers in a little dish, and then implanting those little hopeful-babes into my uterus.

I should be ecstatic. And for a while before this appointment, I was. But everything changed on Wednesday. I started spotting. At only CD15. A whole "cycle" wasted. No real answers. Is it an annovulatory cycle? Ovulation spotting? My period? Irritated cervix? Cyst? Other? Who knows.

What pisses me off is: a wasted cycle. After 16 fucking months, you don't want to waste ANY more time.

What pisses me off even more is: that this may fuck up our IVF cycle. I need my body to cooperate so we can go through this process. We have ONE CHANCE at IVF - my fertility clinic got grant money that needs to be used by March. We will be cycling in late Jan/early Feb. We get ONE cycle of IVF. So everything needs to be PERFECT.

I quit smoking (go me!).. I'm going to start acupuncture. I've taken my Prenatal every day. Doug is working on quitting smoking, and we need to start eating out less and cooking at home more. Organically, if possible.

If I go through ALL of this, and my stupid fucking body prevents us from doing IVF, I don't even know what I'll do. I really don't.

On a happier note, CONGRATULATIONS MELISSA! I love you! 18 LONG months! Two IVFs... and FINALLY, a BFP. So, it is possible! I pray each and EVERY day - sticky vibes for you (times two!) and that my first (and only) IVF will work. Muah!! Xoxo. <3 <3

Another quick update.

Yeah, the Clomid didn't work at all. Ovulated ONE egg on CD20. Just like I would have if I didn't take it. Thank God it was only $20.

The trigger shot wasn't bad at all. Easy. No pain. LOTS of bloating though.

My period came 4 days early which was a shock.

Discussed w/ doc and we are going to do an endometrial biopsy this cycle, a round of meds (probably Femara/Ovidrel/IUI) the cycle after that, and then if that doesn't work, he wants to do the lap surgery.

I'm disappointed, angry, frustrated - the usual. Happy that we have a plan in place. Trying to work out how I would possibly do surgery with work. We'll see.

Super short update.

AF came. Obviously.
Birthday was nice.
Took the Clomid. Terrible side effects (hot flashes, emotions, moodiness) and it's not really working that well, IMO. I went in for my u/s CD12 and my biggest follie was 10mm. Not exactly where they should be when you're about to ovulate.

SO.. gotta go back in Monday CD16 for another u/s and will probably trigger shortly after that. Got a run-down on how to do the shot. No biggie. Doug's excited about it.
No IUI this month, and this cycle is still costing $400 between meds, Preseed and u/s. Ugh. Home sick today. Looking forward to the weekend.

Just some schtuff.

I feel like crap today. Very IBS/AF like. Super fun. I *think* I'm 14dpo. Which means AF is due in the next day or two. Bring her on. I know I'm not preg this month, and I'm soo excited for next month's plan.

Ideally we would be able to do Femara/Ovidrel/back-to-back IUIs. HOWEVER, it's not a perfect world and my new insurance that kicks in on November 1st has a $1300 deductible. After Doug and I discussed it, we think we decided we were going to do Femara/Ovidrel and pay out of pocket for the next few months, and then add the IUI for Jan. 1st. At least that way the money that we'd be paying would go towards 2012's deductible.

After discussing with the doctor, that is fine with them. But they switched the Femara to Clomid because of the cost ($200+ vs. $18). I didn't want Clomid because of the side effects, but I'm desperate, so I don't care. I got my Rx for the Clomid in the mail on Saturday and will start it on CD5. Can't wait! This regimen will be the real test to see if the issue is my weak/late ovulation. We'll probably do 3 rounds of this, and then check back in with the doc to see if they want to jump right into Clomid (or Femara)/Ovidrel/IUI in January, or if they want to do more testing and possibly lap surgery.

I've been jumping back into planning. A *normal* woman by now would have a newborn. She would get her "fix" by hugging that little baby and putting him/her in all of the adorable little outfits that were purchased months ago. However, I have to get my "fix" by planning. So much is already planned - baby has a room, a name, a nursery theme - all the important stuff. So lately I've been planning all the little (although very important!) details: how to tell Doug about my BFP, when/how to announce to friends/family/co-workers, who will be the God-parents, etc.

I started to type out how I'm going to tell Doug about my BFP, but then I decided against it on the OFF chance that he visits my blog. That would be my luck. Well, just know it's a cute idea! ;)

Mason's doing well in Kindergarten, he loves it. He did a GREAT job as the "pillow boy" in the wedding. I'll post some pics tonight. :)

So.. just waiting on AF so I can start new protocol. And my birthday is 2 weeks from today, woot woot!